Last night I was writing in my prayer journal so many things that were going on in my head. Telling Him there are so many ideas I have. So many things I want to do! Yet I only want to do those things you want me to. The one's that will bring glory to His name. Ideas that will bring them closer in relationship to Him. Imparting into them relationship and not religion. Here are some things I'm wrestling with:
1. I want to preach! Not just give messages that make people fill warm and fuzzy. But ones that transform there lives. One's that make people want to change their circumstance. Messages that they see me and are drawn to something that I have...Jesus! My hearts aches for people. Not just women but men too. Young adults that have no direction because they have no parents. So much is in my heart that I just want to pour out. Although I know that God has the perfect timing.
2. This goes along with the speaking but I really want to tell people to stop playing Christian and start acting like one. In the last few weeks God has put people, Christian people, one's that Speak and Write people, in front of me and has shown me so much. I actually had someone that is well known and had a Christian show on TV ask if I was ok if she ordered a glass of wine. Can you believe it?! The story goes that I was driving on my way to a restaurant in Nashville and (name left out) called me and asked me that question. Mind you her and I had never met before!
I am constantly seeing people smoking after church. It's like their in a hurry to light up! I see other Christian's that we know that drink, smoke and even have affairs!! Church we gotta get this Christian thing right. Yes, there's grace. There's love and compassion for others. There's forgiveness. I understand all that. But God did not give us His best, His Son and crucify Him on a cross so that we can compromise His Word. I've read Matthew 7:1-3. I'm not perfect. But I know that I don't want to create a seperation between me and God. I want to be like Jacob...alone with Him. I want to be raw. I want to be pure in my heart. I want to be like Matthew 7:12. Treating those they way I would want to be treated. I would want someone to tell me yes, I do mind you having that drink. Your a speaker of the word. You encourage those women to live a life that is true and right before God. You drink and impart into women yet do you know the alcholic women in the audiance? Is there seperation between the Holy Spirit revealing those women to you?
So many questions about this in my mind and heart. I'm at a time where I want to listen and obey what God wants me to do with this. Asking Him why He put this in my heart.
3. I want to start a Christian Womens group. I'm not sure if its to be for women in business. Women that speak to other women or what God wants it to look like. One of the things I love to do is talk to leaders. Encourage them. Create a place where they can leave knowing they heard something that empowered them to keep going. Still praying about it.
So there it is. Three things that God has put on my heart and now I'm like Jacob alone with God. Not really sure what steps to take. Which direction to go. But I know God has the perfect plan on how to get there. Jacob never gave up on God. Although he wrestled with the Angels he never let go. He wanted his blessing, his direction. I find myself there. Before when I was saying that I want to be alone with God to be pure and raw, its because I know that in that place is where I will hear from Him and know its Him.
What was the answer God gave me in my prayer time with Him last night? Start in my home.
So that's what I am going to do.